Last night we had a deep soaking rain – the kind that is necessary to re-charge the world. As the sky opened up with gentle droplets, I sat in the open window watching the street lights dance in the rain. Wind gusts brought in the smell of summer; one we’ve been missing for far too long. You know the smell. It’s the warm, wet, earthy scent of renewal. As the rain splashed against my face through the screen, I hoped that I, like the drought stricken garden, would get what I needed.

All things considered, this has been a hard summer for me personally. Don’t get me wrong, things are going great for my family. My wife is getting amazing opportunities, and our kiddo was able to expand her interests in activities with a wide variety of camps. Things just aren’t going all that well for me. And that’s ok. If life consisted only of “ups”, we wouldn’t appreciate them as much.

I’m not sure what it is about this summer that’s causing me to have a hard time, but I am struggling. Summer is where I am most comfortable- the sun beating down on my arms as I brace myself up from a picnic blanket in the grass is likely my favorite feeling. I am a seedling seeking light- stretching myself thinly trying to catch it. Like my garden withering in the summer heat, I am also needing rain.

I’ve been looking for work, but having a hard time with finding the right fit. I’m going to be a great fit for someone, I know that, but finding them is hard on me. I worked with children in administrative, program development, and supervisory roles for nearly a decade during and a little after college. I find that some HR departments see this on my resume and immediately boot me.

So I’ll keep waiting for my rain. Whatever that is, wherever it might be. I’m here scorching in the heat of drought doing my best to work with my clients, develop beautiful graphics, refreshing websites, and waiting for my drenching rain. I’m working to find it. And it will happen. When it does, I’ll find some way to pass that feeling of renewal along to someone else.